Well I got about 170 pounds lighter this past Saturday. My oldest son Mike is now at college. He’s been gone much of his senior year anyway with friends and working but this is different. Many of the things in his room are gone and I usually saw him at least once a day most of the time. There’s a big hole in the house.
We drove to Flagstaff Saturday morning in two cars where he’ll be attending Northern Arizona University (NAU). Three trips up the elevator and we were done. His friend Reily had come with us and helped him unpack and get set up. Reily is a good kid I’m glad he and Mike are friends.
He’s rooming with his friend Jimmy from home so that’s one less thing to stress about. We went to lunch and Walmart for some last minute things and then took our leave. I talked to him later that night and on Sunday. The freshman blues were pretty evident. I’m sure he’ll be fine but it’s hard as a parent to not feel like I want to fix it. Harder still was not being able to share it all with his mother.
Becca and Joey already miss him. Becca called him the last two nights before bed. She’s going to have a hard time when Joey goes to college in three years. Right now I can’t believe I have a college aged son let alone two of them in three years.
He’ll make new friends, he’ll find new goals, new points of view. He’ll learn what a real long distance relationship is all about (his girlfriend is going to school in CA). He’ll grow from boy to man and take his life into his own hands. Scary and exciting, for both of us.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Monday, August 18, 2008
What does her butt say?
For years I have wondered why women bitch at men ogling their bodies when they wear practically nothing. One of my biggest pet peeves is the shorts with sayings on the butt.
I bring this up because the habit starts so young. Even before she was out of diapers I swore Becca would never wear anything like that. Becca spent the summer in NJ with her grandparents and saw numerous relatives. She got so many new clothes that a box of them had to be shipped back.
I have been through the box several times since it came not yet having a chance to put it all away but pulling things from it on an as-needed basis. This morning I needed a pair of shorts and lone and behold what do I find? I’m sure they came from my sister or one of my sisters-in-law and I truly do appreciate the thought (they won’t believe me…) but what the hell are people thinking when they buy these?
Occasionally I get to the see the Bill Engvall show. In one episode his daughter is complaining she wants a belly button ring. She asks, “what’s the difference between earrings and a bellybutton ring?” and Bill’s response is, “when you wear earrings boys look up here,” and he points to his head.
Women complain that men look too much and then they put things for us to read on the asses of seven-year-old girls? This is only the beginning. I immediately took the shorts and put them in my donation bin. Becca saw them in the pile just before school this morning and had a hissy fit so bad that she’s grounded for a week and I didn’t even walk her to the playground at school like I do every morning.
Boys will be enough of an issue as time rolls along I don’t need irresponsible clothes manufactures or advertisers making it any harder.
Sears is running an ad campaign telling kids, “Don’t just go back, arrive.” Why can’t they just be themselves?
I’m sure the relatives will be pissed about it when they read this and have something to say about my having no style. Screw the style, I’m an individual and my daughter will be as well.
I bring this up because the habit starts so young. Even before she was out of diapers I swore Becca would never wear anything like that. Becca spent the summer in NJ with her grandparents and saw numerous relatives. She got so many new clothes that a box of them had to be shipped back.
I have been through the box several times since it came not yet having a chance to put it all away but pulling things from it on an as-needed basis. This morning I needed a pair of shorts and lone and behold what do I find? I’m sure they came from my sister or one of my sisters-in-law and I truly do appreciate the thought (they won’t believe me…) but what the hell are people thinking when they buy these?
Occasionally I get to the see the Bill Engvall show. In one episode his daughter is complaining she wants a belly button ring. She asks, “what’s the difference between earrings and a bellybutton ring?” and Bill’s response is, “when you wear earrings boys look up here,” and he points to his head.
Women complain that men look too much and then they put things for us to read on the asses of seven-year-old girls? This is only the beginning. I immediately took the shorts and put them in my donation bin. Becca saw them in the pile just before school this morning and had a hissy fit so bad that she’s grounded for a week and I didn’t even walk her to the playground at school like I do every morning.
Boys will be enough of an issue as time rolls along I don’t need irresponsible clothes manufactures or advertisers making it any harder.
Sears is running an ad campaign telling kids, “Don’t just go back, arrive.” Why can’t they just be themselves?
I’m sure the relatives will be pissed about it when they read this and have something to say about my having no style. Screw the style, I’m an individual and my daughter will be as well.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Daddy, what’s a dildo?
This is the question that Becca asked me yesterday on the way to school after just hearing the term on the Bob and Tom show. School is only two miles from home and very rarely does she hear any of the show. I just mindlessly listen for the comedy that gets me to smile so I feel like living through the rest of the day.
My standard answer of, “I’ll explain it to you when you’re older,” is falling on deaf ears these days as she gets older. I always try to be honest with all my kids with whatever questions they ask. For a seven-year-old second-grade girl though I would be truthful but vague.
I said, “it’s a sexual device and I’ll explain more when you’re older.” No follow up was asked so I continued, “please don’t mention the word to your friends or your teacher.” That was it, no other comments or concerns. No call from angry parents or the school, I got away lucky.
I know there will be other questions she’ll ask as she gets older. There are universal questions she’ll ask just like her brothers, why is the sky blue, where do babies come from. Then there will be the girl questions…
I have plenty of women folk to go to for advice but I know I won’t. I can have the book knowledge but I’ll never have the experience so advice in my mind just won’t cut it.
I have no doubt Becca will have some adult woman to talk to in those times of need but I’ll still be the one there on the front lines and I’ll be as ready as I can for whatever she needs.
This morning I noticed that for a little girl she’s got pretty hair legs. The hair is very light but it’s there. At what point will she notice it I wonder?
Several weeks ago I was in the grocery story reading tampon boxes. It’s early but knowledge is never wasted in my book.
And when it comes time for the bra I will dutifully march into Victoria’s Secret, head held high and wait around for hours if that’s what it takes…
Who knows, I may be involved with someone or even remarried before any of these things are issues but regardless I will be as ready as possible. Notice I didn’t say prepared, can you ever truly be prepared for female puberty?
My standard answer of, “I’ll explain it to you when you’re older,” is falling on deaf ears these days as she gets older. I always try to be honest with all my kids with whatever questions they ask. For a seven-year-old second-grade girl though I would be truthful but vague.
I said, “it’s a sexual device and I’ll explain more when you’re older.” No follow up was asked so I continued, “please don’t mention the word to your friends or your teacher.” That was it, no other comments or concerns. No call from angry parents or the school, I got away lucky.
I know there will be other questions she’ll ask as she gets older. There are universal questions she’ll ask just like her brothers, why is the sky blue, where do babies come from. Then there will be the girl questions…
I have plenty of women folk to go to for advice but I know I won’t. I can have the book knowledge but I’ll never have the experience so advice in my mind just won’t cut it.
I have no doubt Becca will have some adult woman to talk to in those times of need but I’ll still be the one there on the front lines and I’ll be as ready as I can for whatever she needs.
This morning I noticed that for a little girl she’s got pretty hair legs. The hair is very light but it’s there. At what point will she notice it I wonder?
Several weeks ago I was in the grocery story reading tampon boxes. It’s early but knowledge is never wasted in my book.
And when it comes time for the bra I will dutifully march into Victoria’s Secret, head held high and wait around for hours if that’s what it takes…
Who knows, I may be involved with someone or even remarried before any of these things are issues but regardless I will be as ready as possible. Notice I didn’t say prepared, can you ever truly be prepared for female puberty?
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
A Year In The Life
31,556,926 seconds, 365 days, twelve months, thirteen lunar cycles, four seasons, 1/7 of my daughter’s life. They all equal one year. A year without the life of Stacy Anne Stubbs on this earth.
When this happened the first time with Lisa (I’m still dumfounded that I can say that…) I was already involved with Stacy when the first anniversary rolled around. I had her and all my family and friends around for comfort. Now here I am all alone and the overwhelming feeling to fall apart continually tugs at my brain.
Last week I went out to lunch just to get out of the office for a bit and as always I faithfully had a book with me, a Nicholas Sparks book, bad idea… The second to last chapter slapped me across the face when the newlywed bride died during child birth and just threw me off the edge into nothingness.
Desperately trying to keep myself together I paid my check and got to the car before completely losing it. I had no idea what to do, I couldn’t stop shaking. Finally I drove to the nearby cemetery barely able to see through the tears.
An hour and half later I had finally calmed down some. I still couldn’t think straight. I went back to work, shut down my computer and was lucky enough to catch a friend for a little bit before I went home.
Today actually isn’t the hard part. It’s the anticipation of the day. To realize how much has happened in the last year since the accident. Life marched on without her just as it did with Lisa. Just as it always has and always will.
Becca and Joey have moved up a grade, Mike graduated high school as valedictorian and is off to college in less than two weeks. We’ve all had a birthday. The Olympics will go on, A new president will be elected, and the sun will rise and set all without her.
Intellectually I understand all this. Mentally my brain is Swiss cheese. As ironic as it may be death is a part of life. To comprehend what that means is a different story entirely.
I don’t know what kind of afterlife I believe in if I believe in one at all but I can just imagine that by now Stacy has met Lisa and they’re off telling stories about me and having a good laugh.
People who haven’t had this experience wonder when you’ll get over it. It’s not something you ever get over; it’s something you learn to live with.
Too many things go unsaid and I intend to correct that right now en masse.
To all my friends and family:
You all know I can be a pain in the butt SOB but regardless of what may show on the outside on the inside I love each and every one of you more than I can truly express and each of you have touched my life in ways I’ll always remember and appreciate. Each of you mean the world to me in your own special ways.
Now, every single person reading this should do the same because you never know when it may be the last time to tell them you love them…
When this happened the first time with Lisa (I’m still dumfounded that I can say that…) I was already involved with Stacy when the first anniversary rolled around. I had her and all my family and friends around for comfort. Now here I am all alone and the overwhelming feeling to fall apart continually tugs at my brain.
Last week I went out to lunch just to get out of the office for a bit and as always I faithfully had a book with me, a Nicholas Sparks book, bad idea… The second to last chapter slapped me across the face when the newlywed bride died during child birth and just threw me off the edge into nothingness.
Desperately trying to keep myself together I paid my check and got to the car before completely losing it. I had no idea what to do, I couldn’t stop shaking. Finally I drove to the nearby cemetery barely able to see through the tears.
An hour and half later I had finally calmed down some. I still couldn’t think straight. I went back to work, shut down my computer and was lucky enough to catch a friend for a little bit before I went home.
Today actually isn’t the hard part. It’s the anticipation of the day. To realize how much has happened in the last year since the accident. Life marched on without her just as it did with Lisa. Just as it always has and always will.
Becca and Joey have moved up a grade, Mike graduated high school as valedictorian and is off to college in less than two weeks. We’ve all had a birthday. The Olympics will go on, A new president will be elected, and the sun will rise and set all without her.
Intellectually I understand all this. Mentally my brain is Swiss cheese. As ironic as it may be death is a part of life. To comprehend what that means is a different story entirely.
I don’t know what kind of afterlife I believe in if I believe in one at all but I can just imagine that by now Stacy has met Lisa and they’re off telling stories about me and having a good laugh.
People who haven’t had this experience wonder when you’ll get over it. It’s not something you ever get over; it’s something you learn to live with.
Too many things go unsaid and I intend to correct that right now en masse.
To all my friends and family:
You all know I can be a pain in the butt SOB but regardless of what may show on the outside on the inside I love each and every one of you more than I can truly express and each of you have touched my life in ways I’ll always remember and appreciate. Each of you mean the world to me in your own special ways.
Now, every single person reading this should do the same because you never know when it may be the last time to tell them you love them…
Monday, August 4, 2008
First Day of School
Becca, my seven-year-old daughter, started school this morning. Last night we picked out a flowery green dress and white tights. After she showered she asked me to braid her hair so it would be curly. This morning I made her lunch, we got dressed and I tried to put on this new pendant she got at Disneyland last week but I couldn’t figure out the clasp so we had to skip it. Off we went.
Sounds simple enough, huh? Until Wednesday when my son Joey starts his first day of his sophomore year. He doesn’t go to the local high school so I have to drive him. This means that Becca will have to get on a 6:45 bus for school so I can get Joey to school by 7:30.
Joey gets out of school at 2:50 but I work until 4:00 which means he has to sit around school for over an hour and then we have to trek over to the after-school-care facility for Becca.
If I’m lucky they will both have their homework done before I get them but I’ll still have to check it, most likely while I’m making dinner. Plus there will be soccer practice several times a week.
After dishes and showers and whatever other chores have to be done I might be able to do some writing…
Single parents of multiple children everywhere I feel your pain and understand the stresses you are under. Today I feel very alone but I know there are many of you out there in the same boat. You are not alone, there are many of us and we need to stick together.
If you feel like blowing up just take a deep breath, focus and push on.
Sounds simple enough, huh? Until Wednesday when my son Joey starts his first day of his sophomore year. He doesn’t go to the local high school so I have to drive him. This means that Becca will have to get on a 6:45 bus for school so I can get Joey to school by 7:30.
Joey gets out of school at 2:50 but I work until 4:00 which means he has to sit around school for over an hour and then we have to trek over to the after-school-care facility for Becca.
If I’m lucky they will both have their homework done before I get them but I’ll still have to check it, most likely while I’m making dinner. Plus there will be soccer practice several times a week.
After dishes and showers and whatever other chores have to be done I might be able to do some writing…
Single parents of multiple children everywhere I feel your pain and understand the stresses you are under. Today I feel very alone but I know there are many of you out there in the same boat. You are not alone, there are many of us and we need to stick together.
If you feel like blowing up just take a deep breath, focus and push on.
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